Dreigiau

This is where I’m keeping track of changes made to Book 1 as I revise it for a final release. Just for those who are curious about the details!

Why Revise?

When I first started writing Dreigiau over six years ago, I had no idea how long this story would eventually become. No idea at all. Now, nearly five books into the series, I look back at the beginning and see a LOT of things that don’t coincide with the lore and world that has developed over time. I also see characters represented in ways far differently… now that I’ve learned about them and come to know their personalities better.

So with that being said, I plan on going through all of the first book with the following goals:

• Clean up the old writing and any errors that might pop up
• Make sure the world and characters are consistent to the way they are represented in the newer books
• Flesh out a few sections
• Trim out inconsistent or confusing sections
• Explain and give more background information where it is needed

So, in a nutshell, that’s what I’m trying to do. Yes, that does mean I’m going to cut a few chapters that just don’t make sense in the scope of things… and probably move some chapters around. But I’m going to be adding a few new chapters in some areas, too. So don’t fret.

Book 1 will be better for it. I promise.

Changes: Chapter 1

Introduction — The Gift of Flame

Most of the changes in this chapter were minor. I wrote this before I knew that the early civilizations didn’t live in towns, but rather Gatherings. There were references to Nefol and Arddun, which I now know were not founded until much, much later than this timeframe.

I made minor edits to dialouge at the end. I also decided to remove the section where SaRa claimed to have seen the image of wings around Zento as he cast his first spell. I want wings to be a form of choice that Zento makes later on in his life… rather than something Zemi “gives” him from the start.

Interesting Fact: I forgot that I had named Zento’s other sister Kari.

1- The Host Gate

I actually made a significant amount of changes to this chapter which include the following:

AsaHi’s motivation. In the original drafts, I really couldn’t get a feel for AsaHi’s motivation for coming to the Host Gate other than the fact that she didn’t believe Zemi was real and she wanted to prove it to SoYa. The reasoning was really childish, looking back on her character from where it stands now. She seemed to think that SoYa spent far too much time with his Apprentice work and not enough time with her. Heh.

But now that I know more about how things were working in Nefol, I’ve shifted that motivation. AsaHi still wants to disprove Zemi to SoYa. But this time it’s because she feels that it’s a story that the Council of Nefol has fabircated to keep folks under their thumb… and she’s very afriad that SoYa is getting caught up in this.

You’ll see that the Council will play a much bigger part as a “bad guy” force in this revision… because they are the major threat to SoYa’s succession as the High Guide of Nefol. Not only do they consider SoYa a weakling compared to his father, but would they like to see something really nasty and fatal befall him. And with KoGuRai at the head, it’s only a matter of time.

So part of what AsaHi is doing is out of fear. She’s somehow come to realize the threat of the Council to SoYa and is acting in her own way to “overthrow” their plans.

The Ritual. One thing that always bothered me in the original draft was the idea of the ritual that had to be performed to summon Zemi to the Host Gate. When I was first writing this, I didn’t know where in the world I was going with it… so a lot of funky stuff like this happened and stuck. So though I left the idea that there was a Book of Ritual that the Council used, I removed the details… especially the self-marking scene. Now, having a Mark means a lot more (references to Zerom) than it did back when I first started writing this story.

Interesting Fact: I changed Zemi’s final words to “I am… free.” Back when I wrote this, I didn’t know that AsaHi had opened the way for Zemi to the world of Earthians. But now that I do, Zemi triumphantly proclaims his release into the physical realms of Nefol!

2- The Apprentice

I mostly checked this chapter over to make sure it was consistent with the information on Arweinydd I have now. This would be the second time this chapter was revised for that reason.

The dialogue is so stiff! Ugh! And TsuYa — who was only supposed to appear as a side character in this one chapter — sounded really off. He was a bit too grouchy here… even for TsuYa. So I toned him down just a little. I think he’s still a little too snarky still. But then, all the characters felt somewhat stiff in these first chapters as I went back to revise.

3- The Dragon’s Dream

Again, I have to groan about stiff characters and lack of consistency. For some reason, SoYa didn’t call SaRa by his normal “Aunt SaRa” like he currently does. So I had to go back and fix all that.

I also had to do some major edits on SaRa’s character. She came off way too fiesty and snappy in all the old chapters. I softened her up a little bit like I think she should be. Tried to make her come off as a bit more wise, too.

Also cleaned up and added in background information.

Interesting Fact: SoYa became a healer due to his mother’s death… I forgot about that. Also, it seems that the Council no longer allows women to become Apprentices… that seems to suggest that in Zento’s age, that wasn’t the case.

4- Spoken Desire

I cut this chapter completely. It made absolutely no sense to dump a TsuYa chapter in the middle of the plot pacing this early. I have plenty of time to touch on this… especially since it’s redundant with a future chapter of the same sort. I think at this point of writing, I had pegged TsuYa as someone who was going to be a bad guy force. But that got foiled at the end of this book when he chose to ask Zento and Zemi for help against the luring darkness of Zerom rather than embrace the ambitions and desires he knew to be wrong. Sometimes characters can really surprise you.

5- New Reality

Again, I struggled with stiff characters and dialogue. *sigh* Again, I had to soften up poor SaRa. She really came off tempered in the original draft! I did change a bit of the conversation to include AsaHi voicing her motivations and fears of the Council, and SaRa confirming that the fears were valid.

Also, in this version, SaRa hints to AsaHi that she will be protected on the journey. I’m thinking she knew that Zemi was lurking around and wouldn’t let anyone mess with AsaHi! XD

6- Devouring Flame

Another chapter I completely cut. I have no idea where I was going with this in the original NaNo… it makes no sense to men now that Zerom was trying to impersonate Zemi and would do things like burn SoYa’s house. Not when he has bigger fish to fry. Of course, when I first wrote this, I had no clue that Zerom would set up shop with Nefol as his Marked-Making factory. But knowing all that now, this chapter really just doesn’t have a place in the storyline now.

Additions: Chapter 1

I promised that I’d add back when I cut things. So here you go!

Chapter - Artifice’s Advice

This was originally Chapter 2-2. But I really felt like it fit better here. I changed the name to “Brotherly Advice” and made it a chapter to show a bit of SoYa & TsuYa’s connections before things fall apart.

This chapter had some major overhauls… almost enough to say that it was completely rewritten. There’s a lot of focus on SoYa’s thoughts about Nefol, the Council and how things have changed since the loss of Zento. There’s also some bantering between SoYa and TsuYa… the newer writing is considerably more loose than the original dialogue. I’ve done what I could to mesh it all together.

I also want to hint at the fact that before Zerom tried to take TsuYa… he went for SoYa first. But SoYa was a lot stronger minded and Zerom couldn’t quite nail him at this point. So in failing to make any progress with the older brother, he went for the more ambitious and prideful younger brother. Poor Tsu.

Tsu is not yet under the sway of Zerom in this chapter… but it’s obvious that he’s seen and experienced things that have spooked him, too. He’s just not fessing up to SoYa. He really does try his best to find an answer for his brother and is the one that suggests to go to Zemi for help… which is probably the best idea that anyone has had this far into the revision! XD

Chapter - Ambition’s Spark

This was originally Chapter 2-6 but I moved it here for a better plot fit. I actually didn’t change a whole lot in this chapter. I smoothed out some of the dialogue and cleared up anything inconsistent with previous chapters. But all in all, it didn’t come out that badly in the original. I think by this time, I was finally getting the hang of the NaNo and learning the characters better. That shows.

Chapter - Snow Sparrow

This was originally Chapter 2-8 but I moved it here for a better plot fit. Another chapter that I didn’t change a whole lot about. I edited some areas to fit changes that I’ve made in the story so far. Smoothed out some of the dialogue again. And added a little bit to the ending, so we actually get to see SoYa’s reaction to being told that Zento is still alive!

Changes: Chapter 2

The biggest change to Chapter 2 is that it’s going to focus completely on the AsaHi & Kaze story arc, whereas before, chapters about SoYa and TsuYa were included. I really want to spend this time fleshing out this part of the story as I feel like there was more to it that I should have been telling. So look for some new sections to pop up in here.

1- Shadow Hunt

Wow. I didn’t remember this chapter being so violent and bloody. Shame on Zemi for beating up poor Apprentices! I think back then I though that bloody = more scary. But now it just seems out of character and over the top. So… Zemi still terrorizes the poor Apprentices but he leaves them more scared and bruised than anything else.

I also toned down character reactions. Between AsaHi and Apprentices, there’s a lot less random sobbing, squeaking and blubbering. Yeah. They’re scared. But they can still have dignity!

2- Kaze

Again, I toned it down a bit in the beginning of this chapter. Removed references to blood… tried to level out AsaHi a little here. It would just be hard for me to believe that AsaHi would so readily trust Kaze if there was blood involved. Even though he was protecting her. I don’t know about you… but I’d still be too scared to hang around with someone when blood was involved.

Edited out a few silly pieces… smoothed out the conversation some.

I really struggled with the end of this chapter. I did even when I first wrote it. I never did like the way AsaHi decided to call him “Kaze”… but I really couldn’t think of a better manner to write it. So I left it the way it was. Besides, if I changed it, I was likely to get yelled at. XD

3- Crash Course in Life

I was tempted to rename this chapter “Smooth.” Seriously.

I had forgotten how silly AsaHi and Kaze were in the beginning. But I’m enjoying their interactions anyhow. I could tell that I was getting a lot more in tune with the characters here. Writing was far less stiff… I was working through material that I enjoyed and it shows.

I didn’t change a whole lot in this chapter. Worked on cleaning up some of the writing and cutting a few silly sentences here or there. Leveled out characters some more… AsaHi sounded a lot younger in the first book for some reason. I thought that was appropriate, though. So I didn’t do too much to change her voice.

4- Firemaker

I changed the title of this chapter because it made more sense to me. It’s both about a firemaking device… and the actual firemaker — Kaze. I cleaned up some of the dialogue here and there. Removed some silly parts that I didn’t think fit.

I also changed the ending some… I didn’t want Kaze to be talking so well so early. I’ll leave that development to happen over the new materials I want to write. ^_~

5- Ill Omen

Completely NEW writing! I’m expanding on AsaHi/Kaze interactions… and I’m introducing the concept of the Marked for the first time here.

I didn’t know about the Marked until I started writing the second book… so I felt like they really came out of the blue. I thought that this would be a good place to show that Zerom has already started his meddling.

6- ZenToYa

This is a combination of two older chapters — “Silver Wings” and “ZenToYa”. Originally, they were broken up with chapters about other characters between them… but they’re basically two pieces of the same scenario. So I didn’t see why they needed to be two separate chapters.

I chose NOT to name the chapter “Silver Wings”… because originally the silver referred to Zento’s age. But in later drafts, silver wings are symbolic of Luccious. So I didn’t want to get the two mixed up. Zento does, however, have flecks of silver in his feathers! Old man! ^_^

I did some cutting… chopping and major editing on these chapters. Again, Kaze was getting a bit too rowdy with his mini-fight with Zento. Just a little bit too violent for what the scene was supposed to be about. So I toned him down some and made it a tad more playful from his side.

7- Wayrift

For this chapter, I decided to combine two of the shorter chapters from the original draft: “Wayrift” and “Euphoric Welcome.” It was very possible that the two of these were written as one chapter to begin with and were later just divided because I was concerned they were too long. Well, no matter, I’ve stuck them back together again.

I cut a few areas that seemed out of character and cleaned up some of the writing, but for the most part, I’m getting to the pieces where I don’t have a ton of changes to make. Which is a good thing!

I’ve debated about it and have decided that this will probably be the final section of Chapter 2. With AsaHi having finally reached her destination, it seems like a good place to break off to go back and check on other characters in Chapter 3. So there we go!

Changes: Chapter 3

1- Homecoming

2- Dual Revelations

3- Coming to Terms

The major changes to this chapter is in restructuring the order of the sections and focusing completely on SoYa’s journey out of Nefol. I plan on writing a few more chapters to flesh this area out because I always had more ideas for this section… I just ran out of NaNo time when I was first writing this. So I’d like to expand on it.

I’m also getting to a point in the writing where there’s not a whole lot to change. I’m fixing phrasing… cutting some areas that just don’t seem relevant or are silly… working on consistency. But the overall motivation and tone of the writing has finally leveled out as I see myself getting more comfortable with writing these characters in the old draft.

4- Dawndreamt Sunset

5- Question and Answer

6- True Name

Again, these chapters didn’t have a whole lot about them that I wanted to change. I went through and fixed rough spots in the language as well as smoothed out any silly or unrelated parts.

In Question and Answer, I had to make sure that Zento’s backstory meshed with the lore that has been developed since. I think that was the very first time anyone tried to explain what was going on in the big picture of the Dreigiau world. Since then, I’ve developed a lot more foundation to my world… so I had to make sure everything fit together.

Changes: Chapter 4

1- Unending Night

Brand new chapter! Short but sweet (or nasty, as it is). I wanted to give SoYa’s flight a bit more tension. In the original draft, we didn’t see too much of a chase or really feel the danger of what might be following. So I want to flesh out some parts of Chapter 4 to reflect this. Starting with this brand new chapter.

I also wanted to follow up on SaRa’s warning to SoYa made back in Chapter 3-3. The fact of the matter is… Zerom is out to get him, maybe even more than he was out to get TsuYa. And Zerom will use any method that he can to try to get SoYa to return to Nefol… which is becoming the heart of the taint in the land. So what better way to do it than to… well. You’ll have to read the chapter.

2- Spirit’s Armor

3- Casting Stones

4- Darkblade

Minor changes were made to all of these chapters — nothing super-serious. Cleaned up rough spots in the style and anything that felt out of place or character. Fixed anything that didn’t flow plot-wise as well. Removed silly things that were… just silly. Not much else to say about these three!

5- Nightmare Storm

The final new material for Book 1. I have never been content with the semi-big build up at the end of this book to a fight that never actually came about. The reason being… things started to happen with TsuYa that I didn’t expect and I got side tracked in the original draft. So the one thing I wanted to flesh out with the new materials was the feeling that the Marked have pursued them even to the foot of the Islands… which makes sense considering at the beginning of Book 2, the real Marked are introduced.

I also wanted to give Zemi a chance to jump in for a moment of glory and let Zento do a little butt-kicking. The battle isn’t super-long or in-depth as I didn’t want to draw it out too much. But hopefully it’s enough to give the feeling of tension and pressure from Zerom’s shadows below.

6- Lost to Silence

7- Worlds Apart

8- The Day We Meet Again

There was just a number of small things that I had to work out here… some of them relating to minor wording, time of day, and paying attention to who had already met whom. That sort of stuff. All in all, the final three chapters weren’t changed all that much for content.

Book 1 is now completely revised!